2019 has been that year, that has taken so much from me and still given me quite a lot. Looking back I see that my life has always been set in twos. The good times and the bad times, the times I stayed true to myself and the times i strayed.
There were days I shivered in fear wishing I could feel the strength I had some four years ago. That me with hope, fearless, determined and true, I remember how close I have been to my ideal, yet somehow backed off in fear.
How I let pleasing people talk me out of the best thing I could be. Shutting my eyes has left it’s mark, even now, my fingers can trace the wrinkles on my face, if only I had kept my eyes wide open, perhaps I would have walked into the fields of happiness and danced butt naked in a field of white lilies. I left fate in the lies of men, dancing to the sounds of their beating heart.
It wasn’t adoration
It wasn’t respect
It was for fear that I would discover the mask hiding their face and race for the crown I had discarded.
This year I have picked it up again and polished it with the endless tears I have cried. I suddenly can feel myself. The real me emerging from the creases of my heart, like a bird, ready to fly, like a child, ready to play. Without fear!
It’s not a rebirth, it’s a reconnection with the force that had always been there.
I’m starting fire’s and burning wild. The voices in my head have resumed their cry.
Win Brenda Win!
Chukulee 