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blogging Non Fiction october

Brenda.

2019 has been that year, that has taken so much from me and still given me quite a lot. Looking back I see that my life has always been set in twos. The good times and the bad times, the times I stayed true to myself and the times i strayed.

There were days I shivered in fear wishing I could feel the strength I had some four years ago. That me with hope, fearless, determined and true, I remember how close I have been to my ideal, yet somehow backed off in fear.
How I let pleasing people talk me out of the best thing I could be. Shutting my eyes has left it’s mark, even now, my fingers can trace the wrinkles on my face, if only I had kept my eyes wide open, perhaps I would have walked into the fields of happiness and danced butt naked in a field of white lilies. I left fate in the lies of men, dancing to the sounds of their beating heart.
It wasn’t adoration
It wasn’t respect
It was for fear that I would discover the mask hiding their face and race for the crown I had discarded.

This year I have picked it up again and polished it with the endless tears I have cried. I suddenly can feel myself. The real me emerging from the creases of my heart, like a bird, ready to fly, like a child, ready to play. Without fear!

It’s not a rebirth, it’s a reconnection with the force that had always been there.

I’m starting fire’s and burning wild. The voices in my head have resumed their cry.

Win Brenda Win!

Categories
blogging fiction girl poetry Uncategorized

Tales by candlelight.

It is this love we fought for, when we sought to undo the damage already done.

Those hours I stayed up with tears in my eyes begging you not to leave.
You were always at the door, always ready to turn your back on the rumpled sheets and our passionate passion, you never could stay the night and it reminded me of a life before where I was alone.
It was always cold, I was afraid, it was dark and there was no one to hold my hand. They say trauma makes you forget, but they never tell you all the things you’ll remember.
My heart racing every time I walked though the long corridor, would I open the door to an empty room, or find you sitting by the corner?

It was this love I fought for when I made you say those words, somehow the I love you was enough to fill the pit of my empty stomach.
A comforting robe on the shoulders of a child who had spent a lifetime naked in the cold.
If only I knew that I was a seamstress
And I was skilled enough to weave a million “I love you’s”
I would have pushed you out long long ago from the corners of my head.

It is this love I fought for
Long nights alone with myself
Air filled with the smell of roses
Skin shining and a glass in hand
Smiling at the thought
That I had been foolish enough to love myself less.

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Uncategorized

Not My Muse

There’s something about sadness

That makes it easy to string strong words together

You leave the base, pulling out wisdom from its dark depths.

There’s something about sadness

That makes you wax poetical

That’s why we expect a fire album from Adele as sparks of her heart hits the cold concrete floor

There’s something about sadness

The way it spills on your pages as a masterpiece

That makes you want to worship it

You dance around it

Flirting first in it shadows

Until it consumes you

There’s something about darkness that makes you angry at anything light

It soaks you up and settles you

There’s something about sadness

It finally consumes you.

Categories
fiction Lifestyle

Icy End (Chapter 2)

Chapter 2

“Faith, faith… faaaittthh… ! ” came the call. I was far away in dreamland and about to board the aeroplane that would take me to hellfire. 48 hours without food or water!. My roommate Queen has just gotten back from her weekend outing.

I manage to open my eyes and mutter a faint “what is it” to assure her that she hadn’t come home to a corpse.

She eyed the pile of me strewn carelessly in a corner and handed me a white Mr Biggs nylon. Queen is a lifesaver. She’s one of those babes that knows everyone, everything and everywhere. She was my lifeline out of the other hell I used to live in and into this life.
Queen threw her bag carelessly on the bed and prepared to remove her dress, a red tight fitting dress with gold italic letters that spelled ‘fab’ written across her large chest. “You dey dull yourself babe, I’ve told you… her voice faded off with the warning.

“I know these line well well, in fact, e dey my head, sitting in this room to depend on poor parents sitting down probably hungry cannot help me. I am a pretty slim girl and I can run the world if I choose to”. Queen was in charge of arranging girls for the men in a night club at ikeja.
It wasn’t anything big and fancy, but it put food on the table for a lot of youngins. Skimpy dresses, lots of make up, a fancy cigarette and some slow moves. You can go home with a nice guy and guarantee as much as 5000 naira that night. If you were super fun, he can become a steady customer. 5000 times as many times you can think of is a lot of money.

That evening, fully energised from the fried rice and peppered chicken. I borrowed one of Queens night time dresses. They were about two sizes big, but my desperation was heavy enough to fill up the empty curve spaces.

Should I go on to tell you about my first night?

I really wish it was a Pretty Woman story, but this was much better. I was picked up by an oyinbo guy, white man with ‘smelly dollars’. All the doubts I had cleared up as he handed me a shiny straight 100 dollar bill and dropped me off at the taxi park. I was fully in.

The minute his driver reversed the heavy ford Jeep out of the taxi garage, I left the taxi men I was pretending to haggle prices with and boarded a bus to my dorm.

I got to my dormitory, and entered my room with the elegance of the English queen. “Who say money no dey cure problem ?”

After discussing the nights affairs. I realised i should have collected my sponsors number. But, I shrugged it off as there was always a next time.

In no time, I was living, learning and earning. Making money and sending some home to the family.
Working nights didn’t always go so well, some where bad day, or fuck boys who suddenly developed issues with their ATM card the next morning. Along with the glamour was horror. But I lived through it each day.
After staying in the dormitory for a few more months, I was sent out due to a minor quarrel with one of the hall security.

I needed a place to stay urgently, I couldn’t go home or go and live with any runsco as that would lead to free work or someone policing my precious time. It was during this period that I met Vero.
Vero was one of the regulars at the club then. Way older than me but she was nice.

Ashewos aren’t supposed to be friends. We fought for the same piece of meat on these streets. Vero told me about Iya Pato where I could stay for a little fee and make money round the clock. Monday till Friday evening and Friday at midnight in the club. The prospect of more money was more than exciting.
Not that I wasnt living a good life, I was, and hunger was far from me. Not only could I afford 3 meals a day. I could send money home too but I needed a place to stay. It takes a lot of disrespect and zero values to operate as a prostitute from your parents house. How would you explain leaving the house at odd hours?

I made up my mind and called Vero the next day, she picked me up in her red small Volkswagen and we drove to the place. It’s was a shanty shack at the far stretch of a deserted road somewhere in Lagos island. The best part about Iya Patos was that it wasn’t crowded with lots of girls, and it was directly opposite the construction of a new mega property. There was less competition and a steady stream of runsco. This was the life.

At iya Pato’s I usually would wake up during the weekdays by 10, bathe, wear make up and use my small bottle of special perfume. The perfume was for good luck and attraction. All the other babes; Kpeme, Vero and Lilian all had theirs. A special blend of ancient scents and a ritual that is meant to protect the uniqueness of my star against the other girls. On the streets, we do not call it juju, it is a necessary evil for the hustle. After bathing and dressing, there is almost nothing to do.

My clothing were mostly small skimpy pieces and an occasional Jean. After washing, I would sit all day in my phone chatting on dating apps, pursuing John leads. Other times, one or two casual who couldn’t wait till evening time would stroll in for a little beat. Quick, hot and sharp just like 1000 naira in the hands of a greedy man.

Night time was the main, the bar was full, plenty ogogoro in the system, the men are needy and we the girls were always ready.

Money for hand, back for ground.

So finally chapter 2 of icy end is here. I hope you enjoy reading, don’t forget to drop your 2cents, like and follow my blog

To catch the full gist, please read Chapter 1

Until next time

Love, Chukulee

Categories
fiction girl

Icy End

Chapter 1

As soon as the sun goes down, hiding it’s orange face behind the semi dark, greying clouds. it’s dark enough to play.

•••

Lagos state

At about 5 pm, the birds are all oiled up, trimmed and pruned. They come out to play. Iya Pato’s bar, at first glance, is just a large rusty caravan with odd color paintings of lewd sayings where the tired construction workers can have a glass of ogogoro and hot peppered pieces of ponmo to just cool off. But looking round, really intently, you’ll find that there’s a beaded curtain that leads to hell or paradise depending on who’s looking.

Barely furnished rooms and thread bare mattress in the red dim light.
For as little as 500 naira, you can get to pound a piece of fresh flesh. Every evening, the construction workers pile there, taking turns, taking numbers, powered by the false feeling of ogogoro excitement. 4 rounds, 2000 naira less than their daily take home of 4000 naira. Indeed! Something must kill a man.

For the girls: Faith, Ose, Lola, Kpeme, Vero, Katherine, and Eloho. Iya Pato’s was just a step in the journey, an inevitable rite of passage, the wilderness where they all must pass through.

It is not what you think. They aren’t forced to work here, iya Pato is not a wicked madam that uses them as slaves yet pays them peanuts.

This na Lagos, “we dey hustle”. Apart from the room charge which is 1000 naira per day, the girls are entitled to their earnings, their time, and customers.

Amongst the girls, Eloho is the youngest and perhaps the prettiest, if you liked tall, dark skinned girls, she had the looks of an exotic Sudanese princess. Long face, pointed nose and rich dark hair. It was hard to believe she is Nigerian. She would have passed fully as a model if not for the over fullness of her chest and roundness of her waist. The agent had told her after paying a hard earned 10,000 naira “you have to loose weight, to fit into dresses you know. .. these fashion designers like lepa” which translated to “I can’t help you”.

Maybe she could do better, but it was easier to make money as a working girl. You’re in charge of the show, everywhere and elsewhere the men still want to fuck you and they are in charge. Your oga, the landlord, your uncle, even the preacher.

All the girls think Iya Pato is God sent, they owe her a lot. It is better to be working from a safe house than off the streets. Lola can tell you that “it’s cold, too cold and you’re scantily dressed waiting and waiting and waiting and walking, on the bad days, the policemen come, pack all of us into their van, beat us, take all our money and still want to fuck. They say we are illegal but they don’t mind if we pay the registration fee. Yeye people”

Katherine’s case is a tale of a long struggle, her mama, her brother, her sister and her twin children. Losing her father at an early age plunged the entire family into the poverty drain. She stopped schooling and began hawking fruits, it was there she met oga loco.
Oga loco was a nice young carpenter, nice enough to always buy the entire oranges off her tray on the days when business was bad, saving her the hot lashes her mother would have prepared for her bare unripe buttocks. Oga loco carpentry shed was cosy. A large bed of sawdust where she and other underaged hawkers gathered to rest their aching feet. From buying the oranges, Loco moved onto the real oranges, ate them and discarded them like trash. Katherine was three months with child, barred from visiting Locos workshop. He and his boys even swore she was crazy and that he Loco had never even seen her pants, he didn’t even like fat girls.

Katherine’s mother that could barely feed her family off the proceeds from the fruit trade could not even afford a proper abortion if she even wanted to. One candle lit evening, after series of failed concoctions in their small one room apartment, Katherine mum ‘mama Katy’ told Katherine the sad news “my Pikin, this tree wey you plant, E go grow o and you go chop the fruit.”
With child comes responsibilities, an additional mouth to feed meant more energy put into hustle. With big belly and swollen feet Kathy went on to be a cleaner. Life would be better earning 4000 naira per month. Unfortunately, Kathy wasn’t paid. Her Madam insisted that she was missing her gold necklace, a gold necklace she placed on the dressing table, the dressing table in her bedroom, her bedroom where only Kathy and her had access to.
The tummy kept on growing despite the hardship and hunger that abound and yet there wasn’t any silver lining in sight. Kathy went back to selling oranges but life wasn’t any sweeter.

Suddenly the babies came, two bouncing babies. she set up a small business selling used clothes from donations gotten from her neighbours and well wishers. Things started getting a bit better. But eventually life happened, a new government banning road side hawking removed all possibilities of making enough money.

Unlike Katherine, Vero always had it in her. If anybody was ever born to work the streets it was Vero. Pretty, hot headed and without a care in the world. She came to Lagos on her own at age 16, with only the clothes on her back. Worked her ass off to earn every naira she had, built a small house in port Harcourt for her parents on her back.
Vero had dark eyes, those kind of dark pupils that seem to tell a story of the hard life they have seen, dark, captivating eyes that if you looked deep enough you could read the sorrows: the days where a John used her all night and yet refused to pay in the morning. There’s nothing to do except fight cause a scene, risk public embarrassment then still go back home empty handed.

Friday nights are usually the best days. There are enough guys who come out to flex, some young and unmarried living the ‘wasting their youth stage’ many very married escaping their sour spouses and the smell of children at home.

They weren’t all the same. Some were drunk, loud and bold but couldn’t get it really up. others too shy and tried to read permission from your face. Those ones were the easiest, time was ticking by and soon it would be an hour. The worst ones were the ones that talked too much.

My name is Faith, I was born some years ago in a small house to a small family, I shouldn’t be here naturally but life has it twists. My parents were neither poor nor rich, we ate two times a day, they were neither religious nor faithless, but caring and kind. I wasn’t really much of a bookworm. I was a long faced child with eyes that made lot of people think I had it in me. Random people on the streets never failed to complement my eyes, they were a strange shade of bright blue that looked full of wisdom.

So I guess it was my choices that brought me here.

Categories
blogging

🎉🎉 Happy Birth🎂day To Me 🎊🎊

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August 30th is always a special day, my birthday.

For me , Birthdays go beyond a day. I try as much as I can to celebrate the total growth; all the smiles, sadness, tears, fears, achievements, failures, sad and happy times the entire year has brought.
I look forward to another exciting year. A colourful one.
Thanks for being a part of my growth this past year.
All the likes, follows and comments are indeed part of this. I’m glad to have you.

Cheers 🍹🍹 to another amazing year, a colourful one.
🌳🌹🍇💮🌳🍇💮🌹
Love always
Chukulee

Categories
blogging

Be careful, every moment counts.

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When you’re getting a test done, you’re checking for all the guys you’ve ever had sex with.
A million thoughts run through your head and you imaging how one moment can be so powerful to turn your world around.
You can swear, it was that Friday night… the music was loud and you’re dizzy from the vodka. you’re dancing and smiling and he’s whispering in your ears filling your cup again. Evil lust burning in his eyes “baby, just one more”
You live the memories all over again
You’re on the bed, both naked… He doesn’t want to use the rubber and you’re too weak to care.

Maybe its Chidi, His skinny was damn shady,  but you needed the money… New dresses don’t buy themselves.
Chidi doesn’t use the rubber ‘cos you can’t lick the oranges with the peel on.
Its just five minutes, you’re too blinded by greed to care.

Could it be moses, naaah… You picture his chubby cheeks and pot belly ‘it can’t be ‘ you’ll try to assure yourself and just that second the devil in your left ear reminds you that “e no dey show for face”

They just took your blood and this is gonna be the longest wait of your whole life…. 
You’re eyes close and you want to be in a happy place, when your heart is free of worry and anxiety. 
But oh, you remember when you borrowed a razor from Lola to cut off the tag of your new dress,
The blood gushing out as the blade sunk into your white flesh.

Lola! Razor! … Then you remember she religiously pops strange pills every night.

You eyes tear open, you quickly look around to see if anyone’s watching and your eyes catch the receptionist

Oh God!!! No I’m fuckkkkked!
Small beads of sweat appear on your fore head
You need air… So your lungs expand to catch more oxygen

“123/65” the nurse calls from the passage

Somehow your legs don’t fail you… Your pants are dry.
She smiles and you imagine you’ll get the dreaded lecture.
“Fuck it! Just tell me” your eyes pleadingly say

“NEGATIVE”

“Hmmmn”

“HIV negative”, she repeats

And slowly your heart leaves your mouth and finds its way slowly inside the ribs.

(Say no to undiluted passion)

Categories
blogging fiction girl love

When real shit happens.

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It was a sunny day as she stepped out , she had to go to the mall. To get a pair of gold strappy sandals to match the red lace dress she had hung in her cupboard.
She could even picture the entire look in her head. Her hair flowing and her skin glowing, the perfect red dress and shoes.  She knew she was gonna be stunning and maybe Mark would finally pop the question.
Waves of excitement rushed through her as she strolled happily to her favorite shop at the mall

Finally the big day was just a day away,  25, twenty freaking five…. She had come a long way from the past, from home and everything. She remembered when she was a little girl that wore her hair in pigtails and told her mum she was going to be lawyer and yes she made it… The youngest lawyer at the Westford and sons law firm.

She had just moved into her own apartment on the best part of town.  painted with a posh cream color and a light peachy pink curtains that reminded her of vanilla and strawberry ice cream.

She found the perfect gold sandals and even another black stilettos and she was just gonna type in her password after slotting in her Visa card.
Then she felt the ground rumble from under her and a loud bang at the same second. There was just no time to grab something, anything… And in that split second she saw her whole life flash before her eyes

her mum drinking and smoking heavily while she sat in a corner crying.
those days when she worked four evening jobs to pay her way through the university.
Mark’s face and how his eyes lit up when he said “always and forever love.”

…and she thought OH NO!

It was fire and it burned her in.

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Uncategorized

RAW.

It was already late and I had exhausted myself from anger. He was sitting across me and I knew it was over. He had to leave, I knew I should never had let him in again.
I sat there and drowned in my thoughts…..all the things he said had no effect on me. My mind was made up.

Then, he came closer… I didn’t want his hands on my body. I started to shake and  then he pounced on me. I felt his anger in the way he held me. We were both screaming!!!  
“noooooo but you promised me” he shouted back .
it was all my fault. I didn’t have time to think. I should never had let him inside that night.

I begged, but he hit me and tore off my pant, he was rock hard, long and fleshy …… I stopped my tears to look at him and my pussy swelled in pleasure. Powerful and angry, he tore my legs apart. “You deserve it, you little tease” he shouted as he pumped my wet cunt.   I just layed there shivering and shocked as he rode me. It was hours until felt him getting close to ecstasy.

“Please, don’t come inside me ” I begged but my pleas were drowned in his ‘ooohs’ and ‘aaahs’

I’ve never seen a man so enjoy a fuck and it turned me on.

I pulled his head closer and stuck my hard nipples in his mouth,  he sucked like a starved baby. He was hungry and I know i made him so . I felt my fears leave and I became propelled by desire. I was defiled and crazy . I hit him, hard across his cheeks so much that my palms stung, and he looked up with fire in his eyes and I felt him grow harder inside me .

Somehow, the red silk panties that he tore off were tying his arms to my window bars as I bounced my butt up and down his ladder.

He screamed out my name, lost somewhere in space as he spilled his hot juice inside my pussy.

I keep thinking about that night and how it has awoken something animal in me. The sweet feeling of being pounced upon and taken. That’s what our sex is .

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Categories
blogging fiction girl

Outside the fucking borders

I am Randy. I sit in a bar, watch men come and go, I imagine what they would be like when they go down.

The old man in the grey business suit would like it rough. He should like a young, sexy, wild girl to remind him of his lost youth, what if he can’t get it up…..he sure would be better with a massage.

The guy in jeans comes swagging. Yes! He is definitely a spanker. He shows off his abs in them tight tees. “Beautiful” I murmur as he settles down in the stool beside me. A cigarette….he would prolly start with a doggy . these type don’t cuddle,
Sorry love

The writer guy at the coffee shop is a lover, he sees the sun in your eyes from behind his glasses. A perfect tale of commitment and a pretty lass to bring him breakfast in barefoot as he types away every morning.  I’m not falling by Cupids arrow because he’ll be too busy to fuck.

Nerd guy would love a good fuck, but he is too shy to ask.  

A taut butt makes the grind better.

Whose gonna hang me by the wall? Hello bunch of college boys…..I know y’all like to play naughty

I bite my lips and play sexy…..Yes I’ll score a fuck today .

Let them all come hungry and hard, we love to be ravished. Shy and afraid, I’ll give you a little lesson.