Tales by candlelight.

It is this love we fought for, when we sought to undo the damage already done.

Those hours I stayed up with tears in my eyes begging you not to leave.
You were always at the door, always ready to turn your back on the rumpled sheets and our passionate passion, you never could stay the night and it reminded me of a life before where I was alone.
It was always cold, I was afraid, it was dark and there was no one to hold my hand. They say trauma makes you forget, but they never tell you all the things you’ll remember.
My heart racing every time I walked though the long corridor, would I open the door to an empty room, or find you sitting by the corner?

It was this love I fought for when I made you say those words, somehow the I love you was enough to fill the pit of my empty stomach.
A comforting robe on the shoulders of a child who had spent a lifetime naked in the cold.
If only I knew that I was a seamstress
And I was skilled enough to weave a million “I love you’s”
I would have pushed you out long long ago from the corners of my head.

It is this love I fought for
Long nights alone with myself
Air filled with the smell of roses
Skin shining and a glass in hand
Smiling at the thought
That I had been foolish enough to love myself less.

Cray-zy

There is love
There is a mother’s love
There is another kind of love
A type that brings both lovers to ruin

From the first time I can ever recall anything, I am 5 years old.

My birthday.
There was a cake, boxes of juice.
It wasn’t a party, it was just me and her.

She sang me happy birthday and kissed me a little to long.
Long… er,

I wanted to ask her why my friends from school were not allowed to come for my party.

“Shhsh baby, today is a special day that must be celebrated by you and I.”

She had a very smooth and calm face,
No lines…
Her face was a mask.
Sometimes, she wore the happy one
Other times, she wore the fierce frown.

Especially when she she would warn me about staying to long at the playground after school.

There’s care
There is a mother’s care
There is another kind of care
A kind that seem overshadowed by self

The baths lingered for too long
A little long… er
The scrub after scrub that felt like a caress.

“Let me wash that part for you” her lips would part open to pour out in a bird-like song.

When I was 10, I went to the store to fit for a bra.
The store lady looked at my frail shoulders and asked my age twice to be sure she heard 10.
My chest was heavy
But she cupped it with a perfect pink top bra
Mama would always caress the straps
Dragging it and letting it slap my skin
“My girl” her eyes said as she smiled with pride.

That was some days before I stopped attending school
I guess it was enough to know how to read and write
But never know the difference between good and evil.

Every dinner was candle lit
Shrimps and pasta
Wine and cheese
To her
Love was worth celebrating

When I was 15
I bled
Crimson red
Not from the hurts
But it hurt
She would rub my back, gently kissing my tears away
That was the only time she let me out to the mall for some ice cream

That was the crack that let lonely in
Girls who looked like me
Laughing happily in the sun
But there I was
A prisoner to love.

“Why am I not allowed to play with other girls?”

“Why don’t you let me out?”

“Why don’t we ever get visitors?”

“Why do you keep me locked in?”

“Baby, they are evil and I just want to protect you.” She would gentle say. But her eyes warned me to be quiet.

There are dreams
There are bad dreams
And nightmares
Those that leave us sweaty and scared
Then the other type that strike us icy cold
Because it felt so real

I see her creeping upon me naked
From the shadows
I choose not to scream as she enters me
Then the bad dream is over
I hear her crying in the shower.

There is crazy
And there is madness
The type that pushes you to kill in the name of love.

I push the knife deeper into her chest
And I feel freedom
There is no struggle
I guess she also wanted to be free.

The sirens are blazing
Cops, cops, cops and more cops
I’m crying
And I can hear a million voices

“She was crazy”
“She went off her meds”
“Molesting her own daughter”
“Poor child”

They tell me everything is going to be fine now
And a nice lady cop offers me some ice cream

Suddenly I’m 2
Happy and young
Before any of these.

Views: the woman, her body and the baby

Yesterday, my whole Twitter timeline was on fire (literally). There was a story of a young man who broke up with a lady that has had about four abortions for him in their six years of dating. Then she is trying to guilt trip him back into the relationship because of these facts.

It got me thinking and asking these questions.
“why agree to have an abortion four times? ”
“Why asks someone to go under the knife four times for something that could have been prevented in the name of love ? ”
“Why would you allow someone take decisions over your own life four good time ? ”

Four abortions in six years by one couple.

Abortions are such a sore topic if you live in Nigeria for plenty reasons. Firstly it is illegal except when it is performed to save the life of the mother.
Secondly we are majorly religious people ( Christians and Muslims, which both frown at the concept of killing an unborn child)

Despite the fact that abortions are a not to be mentioned topic, Everybody has their views on it and they are always not from a First person standpoint because of the seeming stigma attached to it.

THE VIEWS!!!
The decision to abort or keep a pregnancy is actually the couple’s to make.

But the woman keeps or do not keep the pregnancy and so she make the greater sacrifice.

It’s 2016 and I believe every lady should take charge of their selves, their bodies and their lives.
Use the various methods of contraceptives available (this point can’t be overstressed) but if by chance a baby happens, remember that having your child is a personal decision whether or not the baby father chooses to be a part of it.

You’re the one who goes under a knife.

You’re the one who endures the terrible pain of the suction process.

It’s you who has to take the antibiotics to ensure you’re fully cleaned up.

And if any complication arises, you’ll be the major person who suffers.

Deciding to keep or not keep a pregnancy seems like a one minute decision, but remember you’ll live with the consequences of the decision for your entire life.

Whether it’s a baby or an abortion.
You either get to deal with the expenses(time, money and mental) of taking care of a child
Or a the psychological and financial expense of the abortion.

You get to feel a little flutter whenever you see a child, and your mind would wander off to that baby you may have had.

And if in any case, you find it difficult to have another child, the guilt you’ll carry is a heavy one.

Do not let anyone deceive you. Abortion is never an easy way out.

Take charge of yourself. Do the right thing for your body (Abstinence, condoms, contraceptives).

Hello to all my friends and followers and A HAPPY MOTHER’S day to every woman out there.

Photo from Google is an ovulation chart to help every lady calculate their safe sex days.

Chukulee loves you.

Happy Birthday Raymond Utoh!

“Happy birthday to my lover, my no1 friend, my gingerrrrrr!, my sponsor, my everything.
I’m so overwhelmed yet excited that it’s another amazing year for you.
Happy birthday Raymond Uzoma Utoh. God bless you.
I pray this year is filled with uncountable magical moments, glorious blessings from God almighty. You’ll live every minute in soundness of health. Lack, sorrow and sadness is not your portion this year in Jesus name.
Amen.

I wish I had the world to give you baby, because you’re worth more… God bless your mother for me, because I’ll be forever grateful
to have you in my life.

Happy happy happy happy happy birthday my daddy, happy birthday my friend, my dearest.
I love you. ”

Wow!!! I’m excited like it’s my own birthday. It’s my lovers birthday today and officially May 7th is one of my favourite days.

Happy birthday Ray and all the other amazing people born today.

Chukulee

No boundaries

I’ve been through a lot of tough times in my life.
Many sad days lived without hope and today
Tuesday, September 11 looked like it was going to
end up as such, heck no! I closed my little shop
and walked to the bar a few blocks away.

~~~~~~~
Rhapsody’s
~~~~~~~

I settled at the back, the lounge chair far east and thought about everything….. the past, none of it
made any sense … in the end it’s a race against only yourself.

On my third glass of beer, I spotted him, sitting on one of those bar stools and I could swear his
eyes had been on me. . In between swigs of beer
our eyes would met …….. on my fourth glass he came to sit beside me. We talked for a very long time till it got late.

I don’t know how it happened but i did not take a taxi back to my house, i was inside his car,on the
way to his house, we were even holding hands and none of it mattered.
When we got there, I waited behind him as he opened the door, a few seconds later. I was on the couch sipping wine and he was telling me the sweetest things ever. Every time I looked in his eyes, i could see a reflection of what i was
feeling, what i always wanted to feel. He made me shy and with the smiles playing at the corner
of his lips i could tell he was shy and happy too.

I stared deep into his dark cess pool eyes and allowed his loving, musical voice take me to
where I wanted to be. It was bliss…… I could see the future , I could feel heaven and yes i wanted in.

I leaned in to let him kiss away the tears that were forming from my eyelids….. and then all the
pent up want and stowed away feelings came gushing , i had my hands in his thick hair while
he sucked my tongue and caressed my neck with
his hands.

If this was abyss, I wanted to go deeper and deeper and never come out. Even for air.

Lost in the kiss…. i was holding him like i was fighting for my life. gosh! He had an amazing
body…. and i couldn’t get enough of touching. My
hands found his belt buckle… sure as hell, he
was already hard, i didn’t have to be told i knelt
down and sucked on his rock hard erection … i played with his ball like they were precious stones….. his moans sounded like they were
coming from a distant land. An almost silent cry
of ‘oooohs’ and ‘aaaahs’ that got out with each stroke of my dripping mouth. It motivated me like the cheering of supporters on a winning team.

We were already naked. On his bed, there was no
confusion. It was like our minds was in sync. Whatever i did felt like he was expecting it, felt
like he wanted it… my hands played with his nipples and i gave him little love bites.. i wanted
to hear his moans longer and longer till he fell away into whatever. He pushed me over and dry humped me till he came. It was so hot!

How I felt cannot be explained. He smiled at me
and asked if I was ready, I said “yes”.
Then he got off, darted across the room , put on
the candles and soft music. He brought out play
oil and whipped cream, he sprinkled rose petals
on my naked body and gave me a box of
chocolate. He came over and looked deep in to
my eyes.. I knew I was in for a time of my life.

He liked whipped cream off my butt and kissed
my whole body into spasms. We laughed, talked
ate chocolate and drank wine…. and just when
I thought the night was over, he put me on him
and poured oil from my back…. it dripped down
and made me so smooth. I rode him so hard and
twerked my ass, hitting his balls with every
slam…. he bent me over and fucked me until we
both came again. We were breathing so hard and
screaming so loud……
It wasn’t over yet, I wanted more.

As if on cue.
John legend’s ‘tonight’ came on. I could hear the
soft words , they hit me like raindrops on a dry
patched grounds… i was turned on, i could feel
the drinks setting in…. i grabbed him, held his
head down and made him suck me. …. it sent me
straight to ecstasy. I was saying things i never
knew i could say…it was freedom here on his
bed. .. he bent over and allowed me fuck him. I
screamed I was coming, then he shifted and put
my dick in his mouth. Stared at me long as he
sucked my cum!
There’s no way to explain this. I’ve never felt this
way before. This was new and one of a kind.
What you would call gay, i would call happiness.
As I lay on his arms, I knew there was no need to
ask questions. We both felt it. We both knew that this is forever.

I wrote this in 2013, I was drilling through my Facebook notes and it felt nice… Re reading how I felt in 2013.
Don’t forget to drop a comment or hit the like button if you like it too.
Stay merry and have a happy holiday.

I love you.

The Ambassadors Summit 2.0 themed: AGAINST ALL ODDS

People love an inspiring story. The Ambassadors Summit 2.0 themed against all odds held at the main auditorium university of Lagos today Thursday the 17th of September 2015 was one event with so many inspiring stories.
The event was organised by Prince Joshua Oyeniyi of the Amborion media global enterprise. Against all odds featured stories and inspiring talks by seasoned industry experts on their struggle. The journey of how they succeeded against all odds. 
Mr Olukayode Adigun, vice president and group head of the branch services and channels management at the FCMB limited.
Agatha amata CEO Rave TV and Hafiz Oyetoro admonished the guests and encouraged them not to let their background put their back to the ground and to develop their personal potentials while focusing on the future.

Hafiz Oyetoro popularly known as Saka took time out to address his issue of porting from Etiselat network to MTN He said ” I was never an ambassador for Etiselat just a model for an agency that works with them until MTN spoke to my lawyer to offer me a better opportunity for my potential.” Saka also had lots of truth for the students as he narrated with emotions the most embarrassing moment of his career and how that did not deter him. 

The event was compered by Emcees: Larry Foreman, Olajide Borero and Eniola of Rave TV

It had 2 talk sessions and 2 panel sessions that answered questions on issues challenging the Nigerian youths. #TAS 2.0 was altogether a wonderful event. There was comedy, music and lots of freebies and also the opportunity to network and access mentorship.

The second talk session was given seasoned host Joseph Benjamin(host MTN project fame) The panel session featured top entrepreneurs who have broken barriers and succeeded against all odds : The Igwe Twins CEOs speedmeals a mobile kitchen outlet, Mrs Doris Akpovwa CEO Cradle productions and service ltd and Mr Ayodele Ogunsan. It was moderated by Mr Shola Amusan.

We look forward to the third edition.

http://www.theambassadorssummit.org

Chukulee

My Love

Even though you’re not with me
I feel the love burn deep right through me
And i don’t even need to close my eyes
To imagine the warmth of your arms around me

Its easy to say we love
Love is power
Love is peace
Love is life
Just the smile that cuts my face every moment I think of you
And how my eyes light up with love
I feel alive and in love with you

Maybe there are dark days
And I’m just to selfish to spare a thought to feelings
Maybe I say words that hurt
But my heart always take me back
And I see that with you is where happiness is

I remember I prayed hard, hard and begged God
For someone to complete me and make the loneliness fade
We always get what we wish for
And darling, you are my one true wish

The peace I find in your arms
Loving you makes me feel alive
And I scream with all of me to say
I love you
Now and always.

I was dizzy as I walked in midst of the caravans, noise….dust and laughter of children playing with old rotten pots. I could here the music playing.I see their colorful skirts swinging to the rhythm of the sounds, sounds that called me from afar .

Ta DA da ta ta DA….
DA da ta DA da ta …..

I walked amongst them. ‘The party’ but they were to busy to notice me , different, head sunk, dark and gloomy .
Their colors blinded me, the flashes from the iron their men used to make the melodious sounds, the sharp colors of their ladies skirt. Their ran across from one stall to another almost pushing me down in their excitement. Jingling anklets on their feet, but I trodded on….. Almost invisible through the carnival .
I was hungry with only two pennies left so I stopped to buy bread then the dark old shop caught my eye.
It was old and dusty, with rotten black bell hanging over, the sign was faded and covered in black smoke, all the shop was almost like it survived a fire. There was a window, dimly lit by a candle. My eyes was captivated long enough to decipher the sign. I had barely gone through the first word and off I ran, sauntering across the play kids…leaving the little bread seller in awe, the people looked up for a bit as ran across like light

this was what I had been looking for

As I got closer, I slowed down and smoothened my clothes, it had been a rough journey

I see her eyes , peering deeply in my soul as she took the pennies from my thin hands. She had magical green eyes that could pierce any hard ground . i knew she read my soul.
My eyes looked into her as she performed her magic:
a mirror,
two nails ,
a length of rope
and some cards.

“Ouch!”  I cried as she yanked of a bunch of my hair,
“You have a strong soul. I’ll need that to focus. Place your palms here.“….she commanded and stretched forward her hands, they were rock hard and dirty.
my mind wandered off for a bit, I thought the always read palms…. Life line, death line and all lines…..I’m already here and I must know.
Her voice came strong, harshly bringing me to awareness of where I was, but yet I was in a trance

” i see light at Tommorow, but RUN! You must. Rest is near. fear fire and never forget the dangers of water, go on but rest is near.”

“Hold on to love but use hate as an anchor lest you drown
Never forget everyday is yours. Love ,riches and peace would find you when you take the right part”

The silence cuts in…..and slowly I realize my session is over.
I am confused…these are not the words I hoped to hear .

BUT RUN I MUST……until they find me.

I’m awakened by loud blaring horns.
I am not among the gypsies or locked in a witch’s coven as she tells my fortune
Its afternoon in Lagos….I had been lost in a day dream as I read the pages of A BIBLE!

The other girl is crazy

Love is such a beautiful feeling, but to think it’s strong enough to bind us together. Hell no….love is a strong raging fire that burn us to ashes…right from our very soul

It’s a new year in a few days and oh! How I wish we would spend it together, maybe just holding hands and watching the clock strike 12 together as we lock our lips In a passionate kiss…. Its not going to be so ….I can already feel my eyes tearing up because I know I’ll be alone on new years eve, maybe drunk, because then all the warm feelings from lovers all around me would be easier to bear.

I know I’ll get a “happy new year love” text, but how I wish I could hear his sweet voice caress my ears over the telephone … But I think of madam and i know he wouldn’t be able to get out of her watchful eyes long enough to place that call….she always has her eyes on him like a hawk, well who wouldn’t .
He says he loves me, I’m confused. Love is not always the answer, often times love is the question. The family , the kids, who want to raise children in a broken home…..I mean look how badly I’ve turned out

I’m not a whore. I love him , you can never understand how hard it it to love someone when you are forbidden to hang out in private. Yes! It takes all my strength not to post that our one selfie on instagram. I see yours ,and all the exotic places you go , flaunting our man. Maybe he is smiling in them but, you don’t know he is thinking of me.

We have the best sex ever, something you fat body would never be able to do. You need to see the way he screams my name. He kisses my forehead and tells me I am the best . guess what ? I believe him.
I’m crazy , love is crazy.
I don’t care about right or wrong but I love him enough to keep him with you.
Dont ever think for a moment that you own him, or you can protect him from me.
Madam, learn this lesson fast . our love is what makes your marriage bearable     

Please readers, leave a comment. It would help
Lots of love from chukulee
Happy new year in a few days.