When you’re getting a test done, you’re checking for all the guys you’ve ever had sex with.
A million thoughts run through your head and you imaging how one moment can be so powerful to turn your world around.
You can swear, it was that Friday night… the music was loud and you’re dizzy from the vodka. you’re dancing and smiling and he’s whispering in your ears filling your cup again. Evil lust burning in his eyes “baby, just one more”
You live the memories all over again
You’re on the bed, both naked… He doesn’t want to use the rubber and you’re too weak to care.
Maybe its Chidi, His skinny was damn shady, but you needed the money… New dresses don’t buy themselves.
Chidi doesn’t use the rubber ‘cos you can’t lick the oranges with the peel on.
Its just five minutes, you’re too blinded by greed to care.
Could it be moses, naaah… You picture his chubby cheeks and pot belly ‘it can’t be ‘ you’ll try to assure yourself and just that second the devil in your left ear reminds you that “e no dey show for face”
They just took your blood and this is gonna be the longest wait of your whole life….
You’re eyes close and you want to be in a happy place, when your heart is free of worry and anxiety.
But oh, you remember when you borrowed a razor from Lola to cut off the tag of your new dress,
The blood gushing out as the blade sunk into your white flesh.
Lola! Razor! … Then you remember she religiously pops strange pills every night.
You eyes tear open, you quickly look around to see if anyone’s watching and your eyes catch the receptionist
Oh God!!! No I’m fuckkkkked!
Small beads of sweat appear on your fore head
You need air… So your lungs expand to catch more oxygen
“123/65” the nurse calls from the passage
Somehow your legs don’t fail you… Your pants are dry.
She smiles and you imagine you’ll get the dreaded lecture.
“Fuck it! Just tell me” your eyes pleadingly say
“NEGATIVE”
“Hmmmn”
“HIV negative”, she repeats
And slowly your heart leaves your mouth and finds its way slowly inside the ribs.
(Say no to undiluted passion)
Chukulee 